One of the worst parts...

Is that I still think I look pregnant. I hadn't put on a lot of weight but I still can't button my jeans. Some people probably think I look fat but I feel like I look pregnant since all the weight is below my bellybutton and that's not where I usually gain. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. Whenever I catch a glimpse of my stomach I remember how happy I was when it started sticking out the tiny little bit it does now...how I felt my stomach and was glad it felt hard and not hard from muscle anymore. I can't wait till I look back to normal. Maybe then I'll feel back to normal?

Right now I hate myself for acting the way that I am...but I'm not sure how else to act. I know I'm glum and moody and sad and uncaring. I know those aren't necessarily good things to be- especially not all at once! But I don't feel like I have much to smile for. I feel like being sad and moody is the only way I can be in this situation. Husband says I need to move on and when I start being myself I'll feel better. How can I be myself after something like this? Will I ever be "myself" again?