wwoooowwww

The news is starting to sink in. I feel exhilarated and overjoyed with a chaser of nervous and scared. I'm trying to stay positive. I know the stats behind miscarriages and infertility and all that jazz and I have the numbers on my side but I'm still very apprehensive. DH and I won't be telling many people until I'm at least through my first trimester. I'll blog about it because I'll need to talk about my feelings and all but we won't be yelling it from the hills so soon this time.
Of course I want to tell the world!! But I know it might not be a great idea.

And of course, its New Years Eve and we are going to a party and I can't drink. I'm an avid wine drinker so this will be pretty unusual to anyone who knows me..I think I'm gonna try and find sparkling cider to fake people out with...

Yikes and Yeeehaaawwww

I'm pregnant. I know its true because the doctor said so.

!!!!?????????????!!!!!!!

So my period is officially due Dec 2. I took an EPT today (yes I gave into temptation!!) and got a very faint positive. I'm scared and happy and overwhelmed all at once! But for now..I wait. I'll talk another in a day or two.

Who the hell am I kidding!! You know I'll pee on at least two more tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EPT and Obsessing

I'm obsessing. I could take an EPT as early as tomorrow (ignore the dates of my last posts because I'd written them and saved them as drafts before posting) and I'm obsessing. Part of me wants to test so that when my period comes I'm not upset but the other part of me is trying to remail hopeful. And since EPTs are only 57% accurate that early if it says no I'll continue to obsess...............

blah!

So I obsess. And hope. And pray...and try to prepare for the worst.

Remember when getting pregnant was something you feared like the devil's wrath? Funny how now I hope and pray for it!

Well..

I bought ovulation predictors and we did it when the predictor told us too...So now we wait and see. Husband knew what was going on and so if we're successful he can't say he didn't know... So we wait...

Waiting sucks.

So confused!

Are we trying or not?!? I'm very frustrated at this point. My frustration stems from being confused about whether we are or aren't trying!

About two weeks ago Husband and I had a huge conversation about money. He spends and I save..or try to. I told him flat out that I have a bank account that I deposit $ into that he doesn't have access to because he'll spend the $ in it. I'd told him before but I don't think he actually believed me. Then he sprung it on me: "I don't think we are financially ready to have a child." I read into this as I'm scared we can't afford it...

Fast forward a couple days. We are at a mandatory FRG meeting for his new unit and someone asks, as someone always does, when we are having kids. And I was floored when he took my hand and announced to the other couple that we are trying.

The result? My head was spinning.

Now really rewind and go back to last month... I was ovulating and told him. He knows how women's bodies work and this and that but he was "tired." We got busy the day before and the day after I ovulated but obviously didn't get pregnant. The next couple weeks I tried to stay hopeful but the whole time I was also feeling a twinge of resentment. Afterall if we are "trying" you sorta have to suck it up when mother nature says its time to try.

I could have gone back on The Pill this month and thought about it for a day or two. But honestly, I have baby fever so badly I just couldn't stop and change direction that suddenly. So this month and next month we'll stay off BC and see what happens. I need a little time to get used to the idea of not trying again till after he gets back from deployment.

This month I bought an ovulation detector kit and am using it. We'll see if that helps. I tried using the basal cell thermometer method but with my crazy sleep schedule I don't think I was getting accurate readings.