So confused!

Are we trying or not?!? I'm very frustrated at this point. My frustration stems from being confused about whether we are or aren't trying!

About two weeks ago Husband and I had a huge conversation about money. He spends and I save..or try to. I told him flat out that I have a bank account that I deposit $ into that he doesn't have access to because he'll spend the $ in it. I'd told him before but I don't think he actually believed me. Then he sprung it on me: "I don't think we are financially ready to have a child." I read into this as I'm scared we can't afford it...

Fast forward a couple days. We are at a mandatory FRG meeting for his new unit and someone asks, as someone always does, when we are having kids. And I was floored when he took my hand and announced to the other couple that we are trying.

The result? My head was spinning.

Now really rewind and go back to last month... I was ovulating and told him. He knows how women's bodies work and this and that but he was "tired." We got busy the day before and the day after I ovulated but obviously didn't get pregnant. The next couple weeks I tried to stay hopeful but the whole time I was also feeling a twinge of resentment. Afterall if we are "trying" you sorta have to suck it up when mother nature says its time to try.

I could have gone back on The Pill this month and thought about it for a day or two. But honestly, I have baby fever so badly I just couldn't stop and change direction that suddenly. So this month and next month we'll stay off BC and see what happens. I need a little time to get used to the idea of not trying again till after he gets back from deployment.

This month I bought an ovulation detector kit and am using it. We'll see if that helps. I tried using the basal cell thermometer method but with my crazy sleep schedule I don't think I was getting accurate readings.