What a Horrible Experience To Endure!

Today's been a miserable day. I had to go to the doctor for my recheck. I tried to mentally prepare myself. In fact, I tried to start preparing myself several days ago. I pictured myself walking in calmly, not breaking down, being seen, and hightailing my bubble butt outta there. Unfortunately that didn't really happen. Of course not, right! I walk in there and stand behind two waddling pregnant woman who are discussing nursery decor. I held my head high and checked in and took a seat to wait. I'd brought my iPod and a book but quickly realized that if my iPod volume was loud enough to hear the music that I couldn't hear the nurses calling patients. Reluncantly I shut off my iPod and a few minutes later it felt like the walls were closing in on me. I was close to tears so I texted Husband who is, of course, down range again today. I told him how difficult it was and how I wished he'd been able to come and hold my hand...
...And do you know what I got back?! "Yeah but if you need me to be with you then I will and it'll get me outta this BS."

Um, excuse me? Do you realize, Husband, how that came off? I read it like "If you want me to come I will..and it'll be good because it gets me out of this boring work thing." That wasn't really what I had in mind.

An arguement via text ensued for the next fifteen minutes while I waited. Blessedfully (which is a word because I just used it) our arguement kept me from noticing the preggo women who sat on each side of me. He apologized and said he'd come but I told him not to worry about it because there was no way he could get there in time. I figured I'd be outta there quickly so I told him he wouldn't get there in 15 minutes so to forget it. And his last text to me was "I'm 20 mins away." To me that meant he was coming......... when in fact he was saying that he was too far away anyhow.
They called me back and put me in an exam room. I was looking forward to the solitude and waiting for Husband but instead I could hear the woman next door...and her baby's heartbeat. They were monitoring it and it was clearly loud enough to be heard through the paper thin wall into the room I was waiting in.

It was tortuous. Cruel. Inhumane. Unfair. Horrible and inconsiderate. I kept tearing up but somehow held most of my tears in. Ten long minutes later the March of the Heartbeat stopped. All I could think about was that I'd heard my baby's heartbeat and now there's no baby.

And so the doctor comes in really quick, throws my heels in the stirrups, prods around with a device in my innermost parts and tells me not to have sex or use tampons for another two weeks and sends me on my way. The bastard didn't even ask how I was doing. Being that crying is difficult to hide I have a hard time believing that he didn't see it. He just didn't care.

Husband wasn't there so I called him expecting to see him running in. Instead all I got was a "at the range" text. What a terrible twist of fate and play on words earlier. A cruel text message trick! After that I took a deep breath, put on my sunglasses and walked as quickly as I could outside. I barely made it to the parking lot before the tears started again.