Amazing

Being pregnant is amazing. Feeling the new life growing and developing instead me is truly a wonderful experierence and I'm enjoying every day of it. I love pushing on my belly and feeling Zooey kick back. I love feeling her dance when she hears music and I love feeling her respond to my voice. Last night I was overcome with emotion. I was so happy I cried happy tears. Falling asleep next to Husband with Zooey kicking me is the best feeling ever. I've only ever been that happy a handful of times.

22 weeks!

More than halfway done being pregnant! Time is passing quickly and I'm enjoying every second of feeling my baby move. I get kicked and punched and booty popped everyday and I always stop what I'm doing to enjoy the moments. It is amazing to feel my baby growing inside me!

AND..................

It's a GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We had our ultrasound a few days ago. Lima Bean was all about showing her goods but not her face. I wanted to see her profile but didn't get to. Bummer but soon enough I suppose.

My stomach has grown another inch or two. I know I'm still smaller than most other pregnant women at 5 months and I'm tired of hearing the comments. Yes, I eat. Yes, I know its ok and expected that I gain weight. Yes, my doctor has said that Lima Bean is growing on time and is the size she should be. No, I'm not trying to stay a size 6 while pregnant! If only the stupid people knew how hard we tried for this baby and how heartbroken we were after our first pregnancy because maybe then they'd understand that I'd do anything to help Lima Bean grow into a healthy baby!!

So the names we are considering are Eden and Zooey. We will probably decide before she gets here but we aren't in a rush. Her nursery furniture came and she has two outfits hanging in the closet. We still have a lot to do but its a start!

Moving!

Last night as I was watching TV I noticed that one side of my stomach was higher than the other so I felt it and could feel the baby there. Lima Bean wasn't moving just being there. I think s/he was sleeping. DH put his hand there and he could feel too. It was the coolest thing ever! I think we felt our baby sleeping and it was one the most awesome things ever. I'm 18 weeks and a few days so the baby is about 5.5-6 inches long already. I can feel movement everyday but it isn't strong enough that it can be felt from the outside just yet. I love feeling all the little swooshes and pokes happening in there. I can't wait to find out whether I'm having a son or daughter. I'm not showing much though and some say that's a good thing but I'd like a prego belly. I think they are beautiful.

16 weeks

Supposedly this is when the big stuff starts happening. I should start looking pregnant, feeling movement, and get over the morning sickness. One month from today I find out whether Lima Bean has a hot dog or a taco!!! I really want to know now... unfortunately the stupid Army hospital here won't even look before 20 weeks even though they should be able to see now. I really can't wait!

14 weeks

Hello second trimester!
My tummy is starting to poke out. My boobs have grown and some of my bras don't fit. I still get sick sometimes in the evening but that's mostly because I have to eat between 3:30 and 4:30 and if I don't I definitely regret it. Lima Bean is starting to be able to hear, s/he excretes urine, is moving like crazy, and can wiggle his/her toes. I don't feel movement persay, but I feel some flutters sometimes. I love knowing LB is in there and bouncing around. It still blows my mind that a tiny person is in there and moving and I can't feel it. Isn't that wierd when you consider it? 6 months till we have a baby! We started our registry and have bought a few random things. I can't wait to know the sex. 6 more weeks!

Booo

I feel like a bad Momma. I didn't know pregnant ladies weren't supposed to use Vicks Vaporub and I used it a couple times in the past week when my cough was at it worst. I honestly didn't even think I wasn't supposed to use it, being that it was topical and all. Now I feel terribly terrible. I ended up in the ER last night and was a coughing, wheezing, crying mess and the doctor had to reassure me repeatedly that Lima Bean won't be born with 4 arms or anything. An exhausted, sick, coughing pregnant woman shouldn't be given news like that without a vat of icecream, a hand to hold, and a box of tissues. I still feel very badly but I realize now that Vicksvaporub a couple times probably isn't that horrible in the grand scheme of things. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

I'm 12 weeks and 2 days pregnant. My first trimester is almost up.

The MP Ball is coming up and I need a dress. I decided to brave the mall tonight and was vastly disappointed. Everything I found either made me look 12 or fat. The only dresses I could find to hide my bump were empire waisted with full skirts. Not my favorite style at all! I really wanted something body skimming to showcase my bump but everything I found would need a ton of alterations, cost more than 200$, or managed to make me look fat and dumpy. Thank goodness I have another week or two to find something.

11 weeks!

I have a bump!!!


DH stopped me out of the blue yesterday, pulled up my shirt, and exclaimed that I have a bump! Well, duh. I've been developing one but he didn't see it. Everytime I'd say something he'd look at me like I was nuts. I think its finally sinking in that in about 6 months we'll have a baby and there's a tiny person growing inside me. He kissed my tummy and it was one of the sweetest moments of my life.


Banana pudding. Please. Bring. Me. Some. Now.

Stretching

At night it feels like Lima Bean is stretching my uterus and hips, like taking his/her little teensy arm buds and pulling my insides like taffy. DH and I keep arguing in the night because I need to sleep on my side hugging a body pillow and according to DH I'm invading his space. Talking space, he's driving me nuts and I want some effing space. Rant over. I haven't been feeling quite as motion sick which is good but I have been having some pretty strong food aversions. The other night at Golden Corrall I was looking forward to fried chicken and bread and butter which I couldn't eat. I could eat Mac and Cheese and banana pudding though.

Oh! And guess what! My boobs are looking a little fuller. Yippppeeee!

9 weeks

I was 9 weeks yesterday. Unfortunately DH and I are going through some stuff. He fucked up and while it isn't necessarily a deal breaker its not something I'll forgive right away. I'm so worried about the stress its having on the baby. I know too much stress can make you miscarry...Trust me, after the last time I've done the research and I know what can and can't make you miscarry. I get so worried about worrying that I get more worried and I can't stop. I feel lost in stress and hurt feelings and that's the last thing I was surrounding my unborn child. All I want to do is cry but I know I have to hold it together and somehow deal positively with the stress but I don't know how. Usually I have coffee with a friend or a glass of wine or a hot bath but I can't do any of those. I don't trust myself to have just one cup of coffee without restarting the habit. Obviously wine is out of the question and we haven't had hot water since last Tues. Hopefully our new water heater can be installed today but with the shitty week I'm having I'm not going to hold my breath. All I want to do is hide. I wish I could get a motel room somewhere just to be by myself for a night and take a hot bath and relax. But we can't afford it! Why? Because they are redoing our floors this week from where the furniture company's movers scratched them with our appliances while moving them in. The furniture store will only pay to fix the front two rooms but then the floors wouldn't match throughout so we had to come 900$ out of pocket for their effing mistake. AND we are getting a new water heater and I've missed a week of my babysitting job. We just finished paying off my credit cards and all I wanna do is run to the mall and have a shopping spree. Anything to make myself feel a little better. And all I can think about is Lima Bean and trying to get myself together for him or her.

Morning Sickness

Morning sickness doesn't happen to me in the morning. It happens from about a noon on. Thankfully I really haven't vomitted, I just feel carsick instead. And honestly, I don't mind it! M/S is a good sign of a strong implantation so I'll take it.

I've been eating and eating and eating. I've eaten us almost out of house and home! I've been eating almost twice what I normally do and I have to eat late at night before bed because I'm starving again by 10pm. At this rate I'm going to put on 60lbs! I already can't button the top button of my jeans. I thought that didn't happen till at least 12 weeks.

8 weeks tomorrow!

Lima Bean!

My pregnancy isn't ectopic! My HcG levels are good and I saw the baby's heartbeat today. It was magical and I cried happy tears. Here's a picture of our Lima Bean.

hmmm

When I look in the mirror it doesn't look like my boobs have grown but today I feel like they are popping out my shirt which certainly never happenned before. Interesting.

Wednesday I had horrific morning sickness until about 7pm. Morning sickness is supposed to be a good sign. Supposedly it means the fetus is implanting deeply into where it needs to go. So I'm probably the one lady in the world who is wishing for more morning sickness!!!

Other than that, not much else has changed. I go back to the doctor on Tues. I'm still trying to stay positive. I'm tired and hungrier then normal... And really, really, really trying to stay upbeat!!

From Bedrest to Pelvic Rest

So I'm officially off bedrest for the time being. Instead I'm on pelvic rest. What the h_ll exactly is pelvic rest? It sounds painful if you ask me! But no, pelvic rest means no sex of any kind (including using the vibrator which I don't count as sex but apparantly my OBGYN does), and no lifting, pulling, pushing, dancing, jumping, or exercising. And furthermore if and when I start cramping I'm supposed to sit down with my feet up and rest as much as possible each day.

So if I can't lift does that mean I can't take my 8lb purse with me to run errands? And can I even "run" errands since I'll need to push a cart? Can I vacuum if I kick the vaccuum forward? What about scrubbing? Scrubbing wasn't on the list and I don't count it as exercise.

I'm quite a literal person and these directions are too ambiguous for me. I mean I get the gist of what I can and can't do but a pamphlet would have been helpful!

So the best thing about pelvic rest? Husband cooked me a dinner of comfort foods! Baked chicken and mashed potatoes- yum!!

5 weeks as of yesterday and still staying positive. I even ordered some clearance onesies from babygap. That's a huge step forward for me!! And you know what? Being positive takes much less energy.

Casa de Positive Thinking

My house is now named Casa de Positive Thinking. Yesterday I was at the ER from 1 to 8:45pm. I had some cramping, and since cramping can either be normal in pregnancy or the first sign of miscarriage, Telenurse urged me to go to the ER. So I did. And I waited. And I finally got seen. They know I'm pregnant. It may or may not be an ectopic pregnancy- its a little too soon to tell. I also have some sort of a mass on my right ovary. I have a history of ovarian cysts so it might be that...or it might be another type of mass.

I'm not gonna lie, I was crying the ER. Husband was urging me to stay calm but when the ER doc saw me he flat out told me to get my shit together because stress would only make it worse. He said it could make or break my pregnancy. And while it took me a few minutes I did stop crying. In my defense, I was heartbroken after losing my first pregnancy and being in the ER, having an ultrasound, and seeing the Tech's face wrinkle was almost too much. Too many memories on top of raging hormones, exhaustion, and hunger. We'd woke up at 4am to get Husband to work at 5 only to find out the schedule had changed and he hadn't been notified. So after 7.5 hours of my life being spent in the ER I was on breakdown level. I hadn't eaten or had anything to drink and was actually shaking on top of all that!

So back to the main reason I'm writing. I'm back on bedrest. Now nicknamed "Resting Sabbatical." I'm in bed, watching TV, redoing my Farmville Farm, giving myself a peptalk, and praying. Casa de Positive Thinking is only for upbeat attitudes! This is a new year and I'm in our new house and its time for some new ways of thinking!!!! My Mom attributes her beating cancer to her positive attitude and I'm taking the same approach.