Sigh

Today I felt a little more like myself. I'm still struggling but staying busy today really helped. Yesterday I realized that being alone in the mornings before Husband comes home from lunch has been very lonely for me. So I asked my friend Sarah to come have coffee with me. I woke up early to shower and tidy the house and after awhile I realized I was smiling. Me Smiling!!! It was almost as if the muscles were sore from disuse but it felt good. I didn't give myself time to feel guilty about it either. Moving on has been hard. I still don't like to look at my stomach in the mirror. Seeing pregnant ladies and babies still hurts my heart. But instead of looking down or away I keep my chin up and focus on my faith and remembering that Husband loves me.

I go back to the doctor Oct. 1st for a recheck. Hopefully he'll clear me to go to the gym and resume normal activities- including sex! Its been quite awhile since I've been allowed to get any action and I can't wait to get that part of my life back again.

After I'm cleared for the babymakin' stuff Husband and I will also need to st down and discuss when we start trying again. There's not going to be another oppurtune time like the last one for quite awhile....like years...or who knows since life is so crazy sometimes! Anyway... Thankfully I think I've accepted that fact already. If we are able to conceive before Husband deploys next summer then I'll be preggers and deliver while he's gone. If we wait to try until after he's back then we are waiting eighteen months or so from now. That puts me at or toeing the 30 mark. And while 30 isn't old at all, there are so many more risks of conceiving after 30. Not to mention that we don't know if conception and/or (yes, I hate to say it but it is an "and/or") staying pregnant are hugely critical components to the issue and need to be considered. Can I get pregnant as easily as the last time? And moreover, can I stay pregnant or are more miscarriages in my future?