wwoooowwww

The news is starting to sink in. I feel exhilarated and overjoyed with a chaser of nervous and scared. I'm trying to stay positive. I know the stats behind miscarriages and infertility and all that jazz and I have the numbers on my side but I'm still very apprehensive. DH and I won't be telling many people until I'm at least through my first trimester. I'll blog about it because I'll need to talk about my feelings and all but we won't be yelling it from the hills so soon this time.
Of course I want to tell the world!! But I know it might not be a great idea.

And of course, its New Years Eve and we are going to a party and I can't drink. I'm an avid wine drinker so this will be pretty unusual to anyone who knows me..I think I'm gonna try and find sparkling cider to fake people out with...

Yikes and Yeeehaaawwww

I'm pregnant. I know its true because the doctor said so.

!!!!?????????????!!!!!!!

So my period is officially due Dec 2. I took an EPT today (yes I gave into temptation!!) and got a very faint positive. I'm scared and happy and overwhelmed all at once! But for now..I wait. I'll talk another in a day or two.

Who the hell am I kidding!! You know I'll pee on at least two more tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EPT and Obsessing

I'm obsessing. I could take an EPT as early as tomorrow (ignore the dates of my last posts because I'd written them and saved them as drafts before posting) and I'm obsessing. Part of me wants to test so that when my period comes I'm not upset but the other part of me is trying to remail hopeful. And since EPTs are only 57% accurate that early if it says no I'll continue to obsess...............

blah!

So I obsess. And hope. And pray...and try to prepare for the worst.

Remember when getting pregnant was something you feared like the devil's wrath? Funny how now I hope and pray for it!

Well..

I bought ovulation predictors and we did it when the predictor told us too...So now we wait and see. Husband knew what was going on and so if we're successful he can't say he didn't know... So we wait...

Waiting sucks.

So confused!

Are we trying or not?!? I'm very frustrated at this point. My frustration stems from being confused about whether we are or aren't trying!

About two weeks ago Husband and I had a huge conversation about money. He spends and I save..or try to. I told him flat out that I have a bank account that I deposit $ into that he doesn't have access to because he'll spend the $ in it. I'd told him before but I don't think he actually believed me. Then he sprung it on me: "I don't think we are financially ready to have a child." I read into this as I'm scared we can't afford it...

Fast forward a couple days. We are at a mandatory FRG meeting for his new unit and someone asks, as someone always does, when we are having kids. And I was floored when he took my hand and announced to the other couple that we are trying.

The result? My head was spinning.

Now really rewind and go back to last month... I was ovulating and told him. He knows how women's bodies work and this and that but he was "tired." We got busy the day before and the day after I ovulated but obviously didn't get pregnant. The next couple weeks I tried to stay hopeful but the whole time I was also feeling a twinge of resentment. Afterall if we are "trying" you sorta have to suck it up when mother nature says its time to try.

I could have gone back on The Pill this month and thought about it for a day or two. But honestly, I have baby fever so badly I just couldn't stop and change direction that suddenly. So this month and next month we'll stay off BC and see what happens. I need a little time to get used to the idea of not trying again till after he gets back from deployment.

This month I bought an ovulation detector kit and am using it. We'll see if that helps. I tried using the basal cell thermometer method but with my crazy sleep schedule I don't think I was getting accurate readings.

Not this month

My period came this morning..2 days late and 48 hours of anticipation were brought to ascreeching halt when I saw the blood. I took another pregnancy test just to make sure but it confirmed that I'm not pregnant. Ironically a friend who apparantly not heard the news texted to ask me how my baby was doing. Part of me wants to cry but most of me is angry. I want to throw something..break something...and hopefully feel a release when something is ruined. I won't do it because I have more self control but I do keep thinking about it.

Can I do this month after month? How do I let go and relax and enjoy the babymakin stuff from now on? Everyone says to relax and once you do it'll happen..but how in the world am I supposed to just let go?

Waiting

My period is due today. I peed on an EPT yesterday and it was a bad test...came back inconclusive. The control window never turned and I wanted to scream. Actually I wanted to drive back to store and buy out their stock but I resisted. I took one last Friday too and it came back negative. 5 days early means the test is only 53% accurate so I tried to remain positive without becoming overly hopeful. I hate this waiting game. I want to be optimistic and "hope it into existence" like the bible says but I'm also afraid to be hopeful and be disappointed. The worst part is that I could be going through this emotional rollercoaster for months or longer. Everytime I smell something I stop and wonder if I'm preggers. If my stomach twinges I wonder if its morning sickness and if my nipples get the tiniest bit hard I think I'm knocked up.

So I'm waiting for my period. And I'm not the most patient person so its not the easiest thing for me to do.

Disgusting and WRONG!

Its just wrong. Another wife found out she was pregnant about 2 weeks after me. That puts her at about 15-16 weeks now. We were invited to their house for a Halloween party and I stopped dead in my tracks and nearly spilled my drink when I saw her smoking. Yes, SMOKING. Like, inhaling nicotine through a white wrapper smoking. Inhaling all sorts of poison and crap that's not good for you, me, or an innocent baby. Thank goodness I was wearing about 10lbs of eye makeup or I would have gone into the bathroom and cried at the unfairness. Its not fair that she's still pregnant and I'm not. But its worse that she's smoking. She's putting her baby's health in jeaopardy and doesn't seem to care that she's doing it. I'm disgusted and appalled. If I get invited to her baby shower I'm giving her nicorette wrapped in baby gift wrap. Really, how can she be doing this?? Does she not give two shits about her baby? And does she know that's what it looks like to people around her!

When I finally calmed down enough to speak I casually asked her husband how she'd done quitting smoking and he said "Oh, she's doing good. She only smokes a few a day now." When she told me she was pregnant she was smoking..She's had at least two months to quit now and quite honestly, more like three months and hasn't done it. If Husband saw me smoking while I was pregnant he'd be beyong mad and disappointed and he'd take the cigerette out of my hand- which he should!!! And so should her husband. I've lost all respect for both of them.

When It Rains It Pours!!!!

Two nights ago Husband came home and looked stressed so I asked him what was up. He said that he'd seen an ad for 8 week old shit tzu puppies and wanted to get me one but by the time he got done work and got over there they were all taken. He was so upset because it seems to be the one thing he could do to help me and was excited to do it and then it didn't happen. A puppy would have been a great surprise expecially with all I've been going through. I'd been a little sad all day because we gave our newest dog, the boxer we'd rescued, to a family that really really loved him. Don't get me wrong! We loved him too but he wasn't flourishing in a three dog household; he really needed more attention. Its sad that we don't get to have him with us everyday but its a happy situation because he's with family, has a little girl to wrestle with now, and is the only dog they have. Its bittersweet ... difficult but bittersweet...

So fast forward to yesterday. Husband was released from work super early! He asked if I wanted to go to the SPCA to look for a puppy. We decided to go but I was feeling unsure because I only want a dog that would be good for our family and not just a puppy because of my grieving. I guess you could say that I'm trying to think long term and not just short term/getting me through this.

We saw some puppies but none were really right. I just didn't feel 100% comfortable in my heart. My gut wasn't feeling it so we decided to get lunch and then head to the pound. At the pound we didn't see any puppies except for Jack Russels which aren't a breed conducive to our lifestyle...But we found a young male cocker spaniel who I fell in love with. We decided that even though he was timid we'd nurse him and bring him into our pack. We were scheduled to pick him up today but we received a call that he has Stage 3-4 heartworm and we really can't afford the 1500-2000$ to treat him. I was sad...still am...

As I was digesting the day and what happenned and what could have happenned my Mom called. I talk with her everyday but usually its day to day stuff. Yesterday she called to say that my Uncle had passed from cancer. He'd been battling it nearly three years and was in his 70s. Even though I know he's at peace I'm grieiving for my Aunt who just lost her husband.

There's been so much loss lately in my life. I have so much to be thankful for but sometimes its hard to keep your head on straight when you're reeling.

Hopeful

Sunday was another difficult day. We had a BBQ at our house and my girl Sarah brought her new puppy because she didn't want to leave it home. I was nervous about how our dogs would relax and amazingly they were fine! Seeing her was hard because I kept wanting to hold and rock her but I knew she'd have to leave so I tried not to. After they left I got a little teary again...same old ish, wanting to be a mother to something, even if its a puppy! Husband said we could get one but I still don't think its fair to our pack...

And after a little while of sitting outside in the dark by myself I decided I was tired of acting like this. Its time to move on and stop wallowing. I called Army One Source and got approved for some counseling sessions. That act made me feel hopeful and empowered...like I can and will move forward.

Yesterday I was supposed to call for an appointment but didn't. I had an overall good day and even Husband commented on my cheery mood when he got home from work. We were watching Intervention and this lady was addicted to meth and alcohol. Turns out she'd had eight miscarriages and it was her way to cope. Husband thought I'd be sad and started to squeeze my hand. I wasn't sad per say, I was empathetic toward her situation and realized that moving forward is an important step in my healing process.

I do want something to mother ... and a puppy may still be an option but I'm not necessarily in a rush for it.

Circumstances and The Way Ish Works Out

Thursday night I was supposed to start a yoga class with a friend. We showed up, signed up, and waited for it to start. We waited and waited and finally went to the lobby and asked why it hadn't started only to find out the teacher was a no show. I was bummed because I was really looking forward to it. Yoga has always been an amazing stress reliever for me and after the horrible day I'd had, ie the day I went to the doc for my rescheck, yoga was just what I needed. But I didn't get it...

So we went to Olive Garden. The Land Of Comfort Food and Calories. We ate a ton of bread, had fattening appetizers, and yummy martinis. As we were leaving these ladies were standing outside with puppies. We couldn't help but stop and quickly learned they were 6 week old toy poodles for sale. Now quick, here's some back story... When Husband and I got married I was terribly lonely in VA. I didn't know a soul in the state other than him and we decided to get a dog. Since it was "my" dog I wanted something small- say 15-20lbs. Husband wanted a manly dog and me being an awesome wife gave in. I compromised and we got a golden retriever. I love her to death but she's not the small dog I've always wanted... Fast forward six months and we somehow have a pack of three 50lb rescue dogs. Ok, back to the puppies. As I held this tiny puppy in my hands I realized that it was a baby dog. Yes, I know how that sounds; puppies are in fact baby dogs (feel free to laugh at me here). But what I'm getting at is that it was a baby dog and I've just lost my baby. All my leftover pregnancy hormones and my supercharged maternal instincts surged. I've never wanted something so badly in life- the mother to this tiny, vulernable baby dog.

The feeling to mother this baby toy poodle, not even a pound large and cuddled onto my neck was insane. I could feel the strength of the emotion and I called Husband. Husband, who'd just worked a 17 hour day and had to be at work again in 7 hours, was indifferent. I was soooo close to paying the woman for the dog but logic kicked in. How could I bring such a tiny dog into our already overflowing animal kingdom? Wouldn't our dogs accidentally run it over? Stupid logic.

Rewing back to Sarah, my friend. She has a maltese and had also called her husband who also said yes; however, here comes the twist in the story, of all four puppies they had she hadn't bonded with one. I realized my situation and realized hers. I handed over the puppy I felt compelled to mother and she fell in love with it too. I saw her melt and quickly said goodbye. I walked to my car and let the emotion pour out. I know it must sound silly but I just want to be a Mommy so badly that when I saw an oppurtunity I couldn't stop myself from almost automatically doing it.

Now Sarah and her husband and maltese have a new "baby," as they call her. Her name is Lacey. I can't say I'm not a little jealous. I know why I'm jealous and I'm happy for her. Really I am, I promise! But somehow it seemed a cruel twist of fate that it happened the day it did.

She brought the puppy by yesterday when she came to drop something off for us. And I held my composure while she was here but when she left I cried a little. I tried to hide it but Husband saw and I opened up about it. He understood and said if I needed a baby dog to love that we'd somehow make it work. I don't see it happenning though. We already have three dogs and we aren't the SPCA, ya know? Its not the right time I guess. Circumstances weren't in my favor. I wasn't dealt the right hand. That's the way the cookie crumbles.

But I wonder if mothering something would have helped me in the healing process... Thoughts?

What a Horrible Experience To Endure!

Today's been a miserable day. I had to go to the doctor for my recheck. I tried to mentally prepare myself. In fact, I tried to start preparing myself several days ago. I pictured myself walking in calmly, not breaking down, being seen, and hightailing my bubble butt outta there. Unfortunately that didn't really happen. Of course not, right! I walk in there and stand behind two waddling pregnant woman who are discussing nursery decor. I held my head high and checked in and took a seat to wait. I'd brought my iPod and a book but quickly realized that if my iPod volume was loud enough to hear the music that I couldn't hear the nurses calling patients. Reluncantly I shut off my iPod and a few minutes later it felt like the walls were closing in on me. I was close to tears so I texted Husband who is, of course, down range again today. I told him how difficult it was and how I wished he'd been able to come and hold my hand...
...And do you know what I got back?! "Yeah but if you need me to be with you then I will and it'll get me outta this BS."

Um, excuse me? Do you realize, Husband, how that came off? I read it like "If you want me to come I will..and it'll be good because it gets me out of this boring work thing." That wasn't really what I had in mind.

An arguement via text ensued for the next fifteen minutes while I waited. Blessedfully (which is a word because I just used it) our arguement kept me from noticing the preggo women who sat on each side of me. He apologized and said he'd come but I told him not to worry about it because there was no way he could get there in time. I figured I'd be outta there quickly so I told him he wouldn't get there in 15 minutes so to forget it. And his last text to me was "I'm 20 mins away." To me that meant he was coming......... when in fact he was saying that he was too far away anyhow.
They called me back and put me in an exam room. I was looking forward to the solitude and waiting for Husband but instead I could hear the woman next door...and her baby's heartbeat. They were monitoring it and it was clearly loud enough to be heard through the paper thin wall into the room I was waiting in.

It was tortuous. Cruel. Inhumane. Unfair. Horrible and inconsiderate. I kept tearing up but somehow held most of my tears in. Ten long minutes later the March of the Heartbeat stopped. All I could think about was that I'd heard my baby's heartbeat and now there's no baby.

And so the doctor comes in really quick, throws my heels in the stirrups, prods around with a device in my innermost parts and tells me not to have sex or use tampons for another two weeks and sends me on my way. The bastard didn't even ask how I was doing. Being that crying is difficult to hide I have a hard time believing that he didn't see it. He just didn't care.

Husband wasn't there so I called him expecting to see him running in. Instead all I got was a "at the range" text. What a terrible twist of fate and play on words earlier. A cruel text message trick! After that I took a deep breath, put on my sunglasses and walked as quickly as I could outside. I barely made it to the parking lot before the tears started again.

Getting There

I'm getting there. My old self is starting to creep back from the depthes of the murkiness she was hiding in. I'm still angry. I still get sad. I have nightmares sometimes and I still don't think its fair but I realize that my baby didn't develop properly and that's why I lost it. I take solace in the fact that I found out when I did and hadn't finished out the first trimester without my body telling me. I still hate knowing that it was dead insid me for about two weeks before I knew... but I can't imagine finding out it had happenned weeks ago, ya know?

Sigh

Today I felt a little more like myself. I'm still struggling but staying busy today really helped. Yesterday I realized that being alone in the mornings before Husband comes home from lunch has been very lonely for me. So I asked my friend Sarah to come have coffee with me. I woke up early to shower and tidy the house and after awhile I realized I was smiling. Me Smiling!!! It was almost as if the muscles were sore from disuse but it felt good. I didn't give myself time to feel guilty about it either. Moving on has been hard. I still don't like to look at my stomach in the mirror. Seeing pregnant ladies and babies still hurts my heart. But instead of looking down or away I keep my chin up and focus on my faith and remembering that Husband loves me.

I go back to the doctor Oct. 1st for a recheck. Hopefully he'll clear me to go to the gym and resume normal activities- including sex! Its been quite awhile since I've been allowed to get any action and I can't wait to get that part of my life back again.

After I'm cleared for the babymakin' stuff Husband and I will also need to st down and discuss when we start trying again. There's not going to be another oppurtune time like the last one for quite awhile....like years...or who knows since life is so crazy sometimes! Anyway... Thankfully I think I've accepted that fact already. If we are able to conceive before Husband deploys next summer then I'll be preggers and deliver while he's gone. If we wait to try until after he's back then we are waiting eighteen months or so from now. That puts me at or toeing the 30 mark. And while 30 isn't old at all, there are so many more risks of conceiving after 30. Not to mention that we don't know if conception and/or (yes, I hate to say it but it is an "and/or") staying pregnant are hugely critical components to the issue and need to be considered. Can I get pregnant as easily as the last time? And moreover, can I stay pregnant or are more miscarriages in my future?

One of the worst parts...

Is that I still think I look pregnant. I hadn't put on a lot of weight but I still can't button my jeans. Some people probably think I look fat but I feel like I look pregnant since all the weight is below my bellybutton and that's not where I usually gain. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. Whenever I catch a glimpse of my stomach I remember how happy I was when it started sticking out the tiny little bit it does now...how I felt my stomach and was glad it felt hard and not hard from muscle anymore. I can't wait till I look back to normal. Maybe then I'll feel back to normal?

Right now I hate myself for acting the way that I am...but I'm not sure how else to act. I know I'm glum and moody and sad and uncaring. I know those aren't necessarily good things to be- especially not all at once! But I don't feel like I have much to smile for. I feel like being sad and moody is the only way I can be in this situation. Husband says I need to move on and when I start being myself I'll feel better. How can I be myself after something like this? Will I ever be "myself" again?

Its not fair

Its not fair that I lost my baby. I did absolutely everything the doctor told me. I was vigilant with bedrest. I laid down except to walk my dogs out and sit down with them outside. I didn't lift, strain, have sex, smoke, drink, stand for a long period of time, or change the cat litter. I didn't eat lunch meat, hot dogs, fish, raw steak, or under cooked eggs. I did everything the doctor said and I still lost my baby. One of Husband's buddies has a GF who is pregnant and she's still smoking at 9 weeks. How is this any kind of fair?

Being pregnant renewed my sense of faith. I prayed for my baby to be healthy and for Husband and I to be good, supportive parents. I prayed for my baby more then I've ever prayed in my life...and yet I still lost my baby. And mostly, I thanked God for the miracle of being pregnant. Now I'm struggling with my faith. How do I continue with my faith when I feel God was spiteful?

Everyone tells me that I'm young and to keep trying. But if we keep trying and this is an ongoing thing how will I stay strong enough? I'm not sure I'm strong enough to repeat this.

Too Good To Be True

The week after I found out I was pregnant I had a bleeding spell. I ended up in the ER and after an ultrasound and about a billion tests they determined it was "threatened miscarriage." Apparantly any type of bleeding during pregnancy is called a threatened miscarriage. I was told to get in bed and stay in bed. The beginning of bedrest...
The following week my doctor told me to keep on bedrest..
And the week after that, week 7 of pregnancy, I had another threatened miscarriage. The bleeding was much more heavy and red and I was sure then that I was loosing my baby. The ultrasound yielded positive results and I was put on more bedrest. That was my third week of bedrest and it was starting to wear on my last nerves. My house was a mess and I couldn't do anything about it. I was super bored and my only bridge to the outside world was my husband who was tired of not having help. He'd come home from work and have to fix dinner, walk the dogs, and do basic chores and I know he was exhausted.
We were so excited when I got put on a resting schedule soon after.

I went for my first scheduled sonogram as I entered my tenth week. I was so excited to leave with a picture of my baby. The doc put the cold goo on my tummy and started pressing but couldn't see anything. So she decided to use the "wand." The wand is nothing magical...its a long probe that goes inside your vagina to take pictures and is supposed to show images more clearly. The wand clearly showed that there was no baby in my uterus. There was no heartbeat and no beginning of little baby arms or legs. There was a black blob which she told me mean that I'd had a missed miscarriage. I'd miscarried my baby and my body didn't tell me. As soon as I saw the black blob I knew. Tears streamed down my face and I tried to focus on what the doctor was saying but after a few seconds I was crying uncontrollably. She handed me a box of tissues and hugged me as I struggled to regain my composure.

After I was finally able to get dressed she led me out of the sonogram room to her office to discuss options. I'm not sure she even noticed that she sat me next to a bulletin board of smiling babies that she'd delivered. I felt like they were laughing at me. She told me I could take medicine to induce a mscarriage, wait for it to happen naturally, or have a D&C- a surgical procedure to remove it. I opted for a D&C the next day. Dealing with it on my own with medicine didn't seem like a good option and I certainly wasn't going to wait for it to happen naturally.

Husband was with his unit at the range and didn't get back for three hours. By the time he got home I'd cried myself to sleep. I'd realized that it was dead inside me for at least two weeks without me knowing. That morbid thought was the cruelest possible end to the situation. How could my body not have alerted me? How could my body not have known?

I loved my baby. I prayed for my baby. I said good morning and good night to my baby each and every day. It hurts that I lost it. I don't think I've ever been so heartbroken.

So back to the story.. As I was saying, its a kind of a miracle that I'm pregnant. See, for almost five years doctors have been telling me that I'll have trouble conceiving. About five years ago I started having some issues with my baby makin' parts. I had a LEEP, which is where they scrape precancerous or cancerous tissue out of your cervix. A year later I had a HUGE, ie two centimeter cyst removed from my right ovary along with endometriosis. A year later I had more endometriosis removed. My OBGYNs- all seven that I was seeing, yes SEVEN, recommended birth control pills to control my ovarian cysts and endometriosis. They said if my stubborn ovaries would just go dormant for awhile via The Pill all the ickiness should clear up. But it didn't and none of them could figure out why.
Anyway!!
I wasn't married until recently and I didn't want to start trying for a baby with just anybody. My almost certain infertility weighed heavily on my mind but I felt trapped. What could I do without a husband? When I met my now husband we had several conversations about my malfunctioning ovaries and we decided that we'd try until Husband's Army contract was up and then seek infertility treatments since TriCare (military health insurance) doesn't cover much at all. The plan was that if we didn't get pregnant soon after that we'd seek a child for adoption.
So in early May I stopped my birth control pills. I expected to be plagued with more ovarian cysts almost immediately but I really didn't have much of an issue. And guess what! Ten weeks later I was pregnant! We really didn't expect it to happen so quickly! And its still pretty scarey and nerwracking because we thought we'd have a little more time to save money and get prepared...but honestly we are thrilled. We couldn't be happier.
And now I'm incubating our little Miracle.

How We Met <3 <3 <3

I knew my husband's older brother for months, maybe even a year before I met Husband. We all met at an, ahem, bar that I worked at. Actually I worked at a couple bars his brother frequented. He and I would shoot the shit and talk shit about the other people there. It was all in good fun and funny that he never mentioned having a brother until lo and behold one day there's a cute, slightly younger guy at the bar with him. "Hey this is my little brother, he's in the Army and he's home from Iraq," Husband's Brother says. "CUTE," I think. Husband was interested and gave me his number written on a bar napkin before he left that afternoon... I saw him a couple more times before his leave was up and he had to go back to Iraq but we never got to go on an actual date. He was busy visiting friends and family and I was working 60+ hours a week.

His smile was ingrained in my head and even now I often still think about the way he smiled over the bar at me and my knees went weak and I melted into a mush puddle in the middle of a bar in the middle of a weekday afternoon.

He made it a point to keep in touch with me. He Instant Messaged me and texted me. He called me a couple times and I fell in love with his voice. His voice is thick and velvet-y and I couldn't even tell you what we talked about because all I was paying attention to was his voice.

We met in late August or early September. By mid November he was asking me what I wanted for my birthday, which sometimes falls on Thanksgiving. I told him I wanted a day off work or a new paid or boots. He couldn't get me a day off work from my many jobs and he was relentless about getting me the boots I wanted. I didn't actually think I'd get them but there they were a week or two later!! His wanting to do something for my birthday even though he was so far away really cemented our bond. It wasn't that he bought me something..its that he wanted to do it.

From then on we were inseparable as long as his Internet in Iraq held out. We'd Instant Message and text through my phone for hours at a time. I'd feel butterflies everytime my phone would chime with a message. I'd hide in the bar bathroom just to talk to him. Eventually we became a couple and just before Christmas he started asking me to marry him. I thought he was looney bin crazy at first. He kept trying though and by Christmas we were "engaged." We knew we'd be together and even though there was no ring yet I didn't care. I just knew.

He got back from Iraq in March and I met him in Virginia. We shared our first kiss in a room filled with people but I don't remember hearing anything but our breathing. It really was like the cheesey cliche' that time stopped. It felt right and even though I just said it, I'll say it again: I just knew. We were married two weeks later.

Almost five months later I found out I was pregnant. My being pregnant really is a miracle. I'll tell you why later.

Introduction

So a friend of mine suggested I start this blog to help me deal with the constant boredom I've been dealing with the past 3 weeks (Thanks, Bella!). So why I am so bored? Why do I have so much time on my hands? I'm 8 weeks pregnant and on bedrest!!! And in case you don't know what it is, bedrest is pretty much what it sounds like...staying in bed all day and only getting up to do essential tasks like bathrooming, showering, and eating. Women get sentenced, ahem, prescribed bedrest for a variety of reasons. In my case I've had two threatened miscarriages so I need to stay off my feet to give my body a chance to do its thing and incubate the bun in the oven.
Soo... that's my story. That's why I'm here... Next the back story.